I am very much a child. I look at the world with big wondering eyes the same way a newborn might look at the loving, somewhat familiar face of a mother.

When I travel, the world is good to me. It’s new, it’s challenging. It’s sitting there, waiting for me to touch, smell, see. All for me. And I grasp at it and cling to it lovingly. I find trust and love in everyone. I find a world that is finally mine.

Sometimes the more I travel, the more I see home as the enemy. Not that I don’t miss it. I get tired from travel and I find moments where I’m ready for my own clean bed and someone to take care of me and a familiar fridge with familiar foods and friends and family who know my ups and downs. But then I come home and the world isn’t mine anymore. The world becomes intimidating and falls out of my grasp. I become lost in the midst of it. I become insignificant. I don’t feel special. Because when I’m home I’m back to that restless soul who has no idea where the hell she’s going.

I’m a wanderer. I seek. But do I find? Good question. It seems that way to me when I’m traveling. The world opens up like a book and reads its answers to me. Whether it’s a kind gesture from a stranger, a blooming sunset, or a burn on my leg. The world teaches me things in ways that school or work never could. It gives me answers. And I want more.

But where do I go from here? Do I wander aimlessly, searching, searching for more? Clinging to this world of rainbows and thunderstorms?

I’m told I need to find a sense of being within myself. I can’t rely on the outside world to tell me who I am and where to go. But, in a way, I feel like the world wants me to. It beckons me. It tells me to get off my ass, stop reading about others’ lives climbing a mountain. Stop watching video after video, viewing picture after picture. It’s your turn now. Live. Explore. Love. Follow your heart into the unknown and it will speak to you. And you will know who you are and where to go. Let the world turn your life upside down until you find yourself exactly where you are meant to be. You will find it.

Now go.