Today is Catherine’s day off. It’s weird not having Catherine around. People keep asking where she is. I keep finding moments where I’m really sure what to do because she’s not around for me to ask questions. But I think Max and I are doing pretty well without her guidance. I start off the day practicing my Balinese, saying selamad pagi to some workers in the morning. Kadek responds to me with a big toothy smile which gets even wider as he pronounces the word pagiiii. I can’t help but send a huge smile back. It’s so contagious. I’m proud of myself for practicing this new, funny language on my tongue. Although once today I accidently say samma samma (you’re welcome) instead of suk-smah (thank you). I use it correctly later on, so it’s ok. I only feel like an idiot for a second.

I think Margret is starting to like me more, or at least is beginning to recognize me and my desire to be a part of Jiwa Damai. At breakfast she asks me to take care of the billing of the guests, since Catherine isn’t here to do it. I know it’s kind of silly but I’m glad she actually delegates me a job this time. After a sort of rough start, Margret is showing that she sees me as a growing member of the team here (before it seemed Margret didn’t think I was going to stay). I can’t help but share my excitement with Max. I’ve been accepted!

After lunch I work in the garden on my own and bring my headphones to listen to music. I find myself enjoying it again. I even try to expand my work from weeding to working the soil with a hoe as Catherine had shown me. I feel my arms grow heavy and tired from this unfamiliar physical labor. I’m sure they’re going to get buff from all this gardening, and from lifting water buckets. Max is busy helping Fendi today, but Gede takes the hose and starts to help me water the plants. Gede is sort of shy, but very sweet. He keeps saying hello as he passes by me working in the garden. Every single time, he does a funny little wave, as if it’s his first time saying hello that day.

A peculiar thing happens to me while I’m watering the lettuce. The lettuce bed has a plastic covering over them to direct more sunlight and make them grow faster. I carry heavy, full buckets of water to the lettuce patch and gingerly lift the plastic covering so I can water the thirsty plants lying underneath. The second time around, I find that someone has lifted up all the sides of the plastic for me and stretched them over the top of the stick arches, making clear access for watering the lettuce. I’m  pleasantly surprised when I haul my water bucket back over to finish watering the lettuce. I must’ve looked like I was struggling earlier. I can’t help but smile at these invisible helpful hands. I’m pretty sure it was Gede.

Tonight after dinner, the yoga group watches a movie and I’m invited to join. The girls kindly motion me over to sit next to them and share their mats and pillows with me. The movie is called “Messages from Water.” It’s a Japanese documentary that is translated into English and I can tell that it’s old. But I instantly find it interesting. A Japanese scientist, Masaru Emoto, begins conducting experiments where he freezes tap water and water from natural resources, which he then studies under microscopes to look for crystals. He discovers that tap water shows virtually no signs of crystals, whereas the water from natural resources, such as rivers or waterfalls, freeze into beautiful crystals. He looks into this further and decides to expose distilled water in tubed jars to music, such as Mozart. While the distilled water originally shows no signs of crystals, exposure to different classical music encourages beautiful crystals to form. Then, for some reason, Emoto decides to tape written positive and negative words to vials of water. This affects the water as well, amazingly. Words like Love, Peace, Hope and Thank You develops into intricate crystals, whereas words like Fool and War develop into distorted crystals or none at all (they would only look like weird movements in the water, like a refusal for it to form into an actual crystal). This then moves into verbal positive and negative words said out loud, which has the same effect. The movie then takes us to an elementary classroom experiment and shows the students’ and teachers’ responses. This experiment and its various foundings was published into a book called Messages From Water and the Universe, which then encouraged others to have their own experiments. Some people put rice into jars with negative and positive words; the positive words keep the rice fresh or smelling nice whereas the negative words cause the rice to go black and moldy.

Ya, you may think it’s all bullshit. But I think this documentary is extraordinary. It instantly reminds me of other times I’ve learned about “positive vibrations.” Recently, my friend Laura was telling me how saying “I love you” and “you’re beautiful” to your plants help them flourish, and apparently this is something that many gardeners do. This also relates to “The Secret” and “The Law of Attraction,” where sending out positive vibes and thoughts cause positive things to come back to you. Realizing this, something clicks inside me. It all connects. If you want positive things in your life, you have the power to create it. All you have to do is spread it.

Emoto tells us that he took his experience as Mother Nature trying to give us a message through water – that we need to take care of our earth and our world by putting good things in it. Not polluting it or giving it war. I think he’s right in that the earth is trying to tell us something. Whether you believe his experiments or not, there is a lot of hidden beauty in this world that we tend to smother with negativity, and we tend to not notice the extent of the harm we can do. For me, this is a reminder that I need to limit – no, eradicate – my negative thoughts and words. The world doesn’t need any more of it.

I’m so lucky that I’m situated here in a place with so much nurturing and positivity. I want to soak it up as much as I can and bring it with me wherever I go. I want to bring peace to my life, my body, my soul, and the people I love.

I learn more about good vibrations the following day.

Today is a little different in that Margret puts on a presentation for the yoga group after their morning yoga session. She had invited Max and I to join the night before and reminds us again this morning. It’s obvious she wants us to be there.

This is my first time getting an insight into what Margret is all about. She is a soft-spoken German lady, who is intimidating but full of wisdom at the same time. She is older, in her late 60’s or early 70’s and moves slowly, but has a strong presence in the room. I’ve started to notice that she always wears green, and dyes her short hair a bright red-orange.

Margret gathers us in a circle, facing her. She begins by showing us a short video on our heart’s reaction to positive and negative circumstances. We are shown an experiment where people are subjected to positive and negative images. Scientist found that our heart rate is affected before the image is processed in our brain. Positive images cause a normal, aligned heart rate whereas negative images caused an irregular, distorted heart rate on the monitor.

After the video, Margret begins her presentation. She tells us that we need to take care of our thoughts to keep our heart and body in a peaceful, content state. Just as we had seen in “Messages from Water,” we must apply good vibrations to our body and heart. Margret suddenly asks all of us if we are undergoing an inner conflict about something at the moment. She has us raise our hands. I’m one of them. She picks one of the girls (thank god it wasn’t me) and has her share it with us. Margret then picks other volunteers from the group. They stand on either side of her, representing the two sides of the conflict within Helena. We watch as they pull her back and forth, back and forth. There’s no winning or losing, just a bubble of negative energy entrapping Helena. As we watch this constant struggle in front of us, Margret asks us, “Do you see what’s happening?” It’s a waste in energy, she explains. Helena is trapped in a constant negative struggle that isn’t going anywhere. Margret then has Helena face each side of her, telling them, “Hey…it’s ok. I can want to travel. But I can want to settle too. I want to be both.”  She accepts each side, letting them coexist. Rather than have these two sides fight each other for her attention, she let’s them both be a part of her.

Margret calls us to take the time to stop and look at our inner conflicts and accept them. We need to take it as it is. Let it be. Release the tension that is wasting our energy and disturbing our heart’s natural rhythm. She gives us a moment to look within ourselves. Before she even gives us this moment, I’m already applying what she has told us by looking at my own inner turmoil. I realize how much of a waste of energy it is. So what if one part of me thinks one thing, and another part of me wants another? I shouldn’t beat myself up over it. I don’t have to have it all figured out. I just can’t let the conflict take over and boil up inside me. I just have to recognize these two parts of me for what they are and move on. Just let it be. Accepting this gives me instant relief and peace. I feel content. That easy.

It’s funny how these little lessons are all connected. I think back to my Zen for Dummies book again. It says: whenever something negative comes to mind, just pull yourself away, observe it, and watch it float away. I found myself doing this very thing during one of those mornings of meditation. Maybe I’ll get better at it. All it takes is practice.

Today I’m back to breaking the soil with a hoe. Although, unfortunately, my blister (or more like broken skin at this point) from yesterday only gets worse. It rubs raw, which doesn’t feel too great. I realize it’s just part of the process of toughening up to physical work. Your body gets worn, but then hardens. Tonight I make Max put rubbing alcohol on it for me. That way the deed would get done, knowing I’d be a wimp about it. Ya, it hurts like hell but at least it’s not going to get infected. You have to be extra careful with infections in humid weather because bacteria thrives in it.

While cleaning up after dinner in the kitchen, Max gets Putu talking. Putu is one of my favorites here (besides Kadek). Putu wants to be a chef and eventually have his own restaurant and hotel. He wants to first work for a cruise line. He tells us that he likes being able to practice English because he needs to speak English well in order to have more job opportunities, such as working as a chef on a cruise line. We ask him if he wants to travel and he tells us he wants to ultimately stay in Bali because his family is here and his family is his center. This is definitely a Balinese frame of mind. But I can really tell he loves and appreciates his family. Putu also works two jobs. He leaves for his second one as soon as he finishes cleaning the kitchen. I have a feeling this is the case for many Balinese.

Max and I ask Putu for suggestions of what Balinese foods we should try. He tells us that babi guling, roasted pig, is a specialty. He then asks what kind of specialties California has. We explain that America doesn’t really have its own cuisine except for burgers, but we tell Putu that Mexican food is a big thing where we’re from. We tell him about burritos and tacos, neither of which he has had. We can’t believe it. We tell Putu how great tacos are. Max asks Putu if we could cook tacos sometime for everyone so that the Balinese workers can try it. Putu says maybe after the guests are gone. I think it’s a great idea. Hopefully Margret is all for it. I would love to share my California lifestyle with the Balinese workers.

Tonight I drop my first dish. It’s one of the little handled soup bowls. It shatters while I attempt to balance a pile in my hands. The yoga girls are sweet and help me pick it up, and then I sweep up the rest of it. The funny part is that it happens right after I joke to Max and Putu that I might drop some plates during my stay here. We hide the evidence. Margret will never know.